My Personal Testimony of Families

I believe families can be together forever. Through the covenant of marriage between a man and a woman only, under the authority of God, families are sealed and can be eternally connected to one another and can be together after we die.

At times, when growing up, I thought, "Man, I'm stuck with this crazy bunch?" but that feeling would go away when we had our fun and joyous moments. I love my family and I love that I will be able to "hang out" with them and spend time with them in the after-life.

This concept of being able to reunite with members of my family when we pass away gives me comfort. I have a grandfather whom I have never met. I have heard stories of how he passed and how it was painful for him and it was painful for my mom and her siblings to see. I have heard stories of how he served his country in WWII, and how he founded a company and ran a farm with five children. But knowing I will see him again when I pass gives me comfort, in that I can actually talk to him, give him a hug, and show him how grateful I am for what he has done, directly/indirectly for me.

I also have an uncle who passed away when I was about eight years old. Because I was so young, I don't remember all my experiences with him. I still hear stories from my mom about how funny he was, such a character, and I also hear stories from friends of the family and other members of my extended family about how amazing he was and how he influenced each of their lives. He had polio in his leg, and I remember when he passed and my mom was talking to me and helping with the concept of how death wasn't bad and that we would be reunited. She told me, "Just think, he's probably up there running around without any pain in his leg, and jumping for joy. He is with his father, and he is probably telling jokes and pulling pranks."

Families can be together forever, through Christ's sacrifice and resurrection, to where we all can be resurrected and return not only to our Father in Heaven, but to be reunited with our earthly families.

My Personal Testimony of Marriage

I believe in a traditional marriage. Marriage is to be only between a man and a woman. And it is ordained of God in that he created us in a way to where as lawfully wedded husband and wife--on heaven and on earth--we can grow to become one and closer to God.

I believe my Heavenly Father has a plan for me and that includes having a companion who will be there by me in all circumstances and will help me grow closer to Heavenly Father. He also has many other things in store, and I am ready to accomplish and overcome these challenges. I know that it may take a while before I find an eternal companion, but I believe that it will be worth it and it is better to be sure than to just jump into marriage.

I believe that under God I can be sealed to my spouse for Time and All Eternity. Some may think that that is a long time and that they could only stand to be with their spouse for their lifetime. When I hear that my heart breaks. I hope to find a companion who I will want to spend my life and the eternities with and also so that I can also be sealed and connected with my children through the eternities.

I love that marriage between a husband and wife is ordained of God, and I know that is what he wants for each of us, for he knows it is the best thing for us.

More to remarriage than meshing two families

I didn't realize that there is more to a remarriage than just having a second marriage. Even when you aren't bringing children from a previous marriage into the new one.

Remarriage without children:
When a couple remarries, they carry experience and more realistic expectations into their new marriage. However, there are times where one or both persons don't recognize what the actual issue from the previous marriage was and don't fix it, or know it, but deny it. That can cause some serious issues in this new marriage. both persons can have baggage and may not be fully detached from their former spouse, which can later cause some problems.

Remarriage with children:
This can be tough, for not only do all the previous things I mentioned apply, but that finances involving children, possible frequent contact with the former spouse due to the connection with children. Acceptance between step-parent and step-child. How to adjust with discipline, and many other factors like grandparents' involvement and friends.

Some may think, "Oh, I can just get married again and everything will be okay." Remember to take into consideration all those who can be affected.

Parents

I just have to say that parents aren't perfect, neither are children. But they can progress to do better.

With that, I feel an important piece to parenthood is willingness to listen. I know there are times that parents listen to their children when they want to tell a story. But in the heated moments, parents (and children) tend to forget to listen to the other.

In heated moments that lead to arguments the child is really only wanting to be heard, and same goes for the parent. Remembering this both can go into a conversation with the intent to hear all that the other is saying, and not just thinking about what they are going to say. When this occurs both will see the other's view and will be able to understand and then can share their side. Even if you are in a heated moment you can recognize this and just change your tone of voice. Sometimes if it is hard to do, you might want to both take a break, walk away, and come back. Another tip would be to focus on the problem and not focus on blaming the other, and reading their body language to see what they really need, a child might complain, but what they really need is someone to hear and sympathize for them, while others might show interest in wanting to find a solution.

Listen, no matter how painful.

Being A "Stay-At-Home" Mother

Ever since I was really little I looked up to my mom for being an at-home-mother. I wanted to be just like her and also do that which the Lord has counseled us to do, and that is to be at home and nurturing our children and keeping them safe and teaching them so they can grow.

Now, when I was five years old, I was asked the typical question for a kindergartner, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I immediately responded, "An At-Home-Mom." I remember my teacher looking at me and her saying, "Oh...but you should choose a career to go into, dear." What? As I have gotten older and reflect back on this experience I am disappointed in the fact that my own teacher, who was a woman, had the typical thought of being a mom isn't a career of itself. Don't we pay people to take care of our children to pursue a career? Isn't that their career? So wouldn't that make being a mom a career, minus the money? I feel that with careers and goals, everything has become about money, not about the personal relationships and the internal gain we have from the experience, the growth, the knowledge.

I must say, I love this article by Dennis Prager called "Does a Full-Time Homemaker Swap Her Mind for a Mop?" because it talks about how much knowledge she can obtain while she is at home. Women who do stay home are viewed as lazy and just "watch soap operas and eat bon-bons" when many are actually working hard to keep learning or helping their children and doing things that are required for daily life. Sure, they can choose to be lazy, but they also have the choice to work hard in the home and continually learn.

Next time you run into someone who is planning on being a "stay-at-home" mother, tell them they are awesome and support them in their decision. They are putting their children's life and the hope and growth of the future generation before themselves.

More to Communication

"What you say is most important" Some would say; however, there is more to communicating than just the words you say or use.

It is important to be aware that when you are talking to someone, there is more going on than the words coming out of one's mouth. Your tone of voice as well as your body language can really determine the meaning of what you are saying. You might say, "I have to go to work." you can say it and mean it is informational, but your angry tone of voice makes it sound like you have to go and you are angry at the person for making you go. You could also be listening to someone and say you agree to something, but your body looks like you are really relaxed and you are looking elsewhere which says, "I am agreeing but really I don't know what you just said" or "I am not that interested and I am agreeing so you will stop talking."

Therefore, yes your word choice is important, but also the way you send it, verbally with tone and non-verbally with body language.

We must also remember that there is a receiver, who might communicate differently. So when both are talking, not even talking but communicating without meaning to, there is a process:

MY THOUGHT  =>  ENCODE  =>  MEDIUM  =>  DECODE  =>  THE OTHER'S THOUGHT
Then when responding to show what they received from the message.
THE OTHER'S THOUGHT  =>  DECODE  =>  MEDIUM  =>  ENCODE  => MY THOUGHT

So one has a thought, then puts it in a way that they personally understand, then put it into a medium (words, tone, or non-verbal) which sends the message. The receiver then decodes it in the way that they understand or communicate, and then they send a message back in reaction to the message they received. They encode it the way they understand (which can be different from the original sender) and then send it in the form of one of the mediums and then it has to be decoded (possibly different from they way it was encoded).

This is one way miscommunication can happen (as well as many other ways). The two people communicating have different ways of encoding and therefore decode the other's message differently and certain things that were meant are missed. Being understanding of how the other communicates or responds to things can be very helpful and being willing to adjust and learn how to convey a message across that both of you will understand and not lose any details.

Deep Breath...

Within our personal families we all have trials to face. We all have moments of struggle, and in times unexpected a crisis.

Might I just say, like Kelly Clarkson's song says, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!"

Now, I know I may not know you, or what you are going through, nor the extent of it and what it has done to you. However, I do know you are not alone, there are others out there who have experienced similar, if not the same, thing you are going through or have gone through.

Trying to overcome or withstand or work your way through this crisis will take time and EFFORT. You might want to try and see the situation from a different standpoint, look at it from another family member's or peers' eyes. By doing this you can see the situation from possibly a better view and can evaluate and solve it.

One of the tips I learned this week were to take responsibility, not to blame the situation on someone, but to recognize that it is there and that you have part in it and that there is something you can do about it. I know people who just "play victim" and try to wallow in their sorrow to in the end attain attention and they don't progress. That doesn't make you stronger. No, to become strong from a trial that could "kill" some aspect of your life is to face it and to improve and overcome, well, that takes ACTION!

I know it is hard, but you have your family around you to help, overcome a grudge those who do love you, you never know, they might have gone through the same thing, or perhaps are going through the same thing.