More to Communication

"What you say is most important" Some would say; however, there is more to communicating than just the words you say or use.

It is important to be aware that when you are talking to someone, there is more going on than the words coming out of one's mouth. Your tone of voice as well as your body language can really determine the meaning of what you are saying. You might say, "I have to go to work." you can say it and mean it is informational, but your angry tone of voice makes it sound like you have to go and you are angry at the person for making you go. You could also be listening to someone and say you agree to something, but your body looks like you are really relaxed and you are looking elsewhere which says, "I am agreeing but really I don't know what you just said" or "I am not that interested and I am agreeing so you will stop talking."

Therefore, yes your word choice is important, but also the way you send it, verbally with tone and non-verbally with body language.

We must also remember that there is a receiver, who might communicate differently. So when both are talking, not even talking but communicating without meaning to, there is a process:

MY THOUGHT  =>  ENCODE  =>  MEDIUM  =>  DECODE  =>  THE OTHER'S THOUGHT
Then when responding to show what they received from the message.
THE OTHER'S THOUGHT  =>  DECODE  =>  MEDIUM  =>  ENCODE  => MY THOUGHT

So one has a thought, then puts it in a way that they personally understand, then put it into a medium (words, tone, or non-verbal) which sends the message. The receiver then decodes it in the way that they understand or communicate, and then they send a message back in reaction to the message they received. They encode it the way they understand (which can be different from the original sender) and then send it in the form of one of the mediums and then it has to be decoded (possibly different from they way it was encoded).

This is one way miscommunication can happen (as well as many other ways). The two people communicating have different ways of encoding and therefore decode the other's message differently and certain things that were meant are missed. Being understanding of how the other communicates or responds to things can be very helpful and being willing to adjust and learn how to convey a message across that both of you will understand and not lose any details.