Sexual Differences

This week in class we talked about the sexual differences between males and females. One difference was that females take longer to be aroused than males, and that females arousal remains longer than males.

Knowing this we were asked, "What could be some challenges or opportunities with this?" Some challenges would  be that the couple would misunderstand one another and interpret their reactions wrongly. That one might feel neglected while the other seems pushed, when really their bodies work differently. Another might be that it could be hard to connect. Another challenge might be that one manipulates the other by seeing their sexual relation as a weakness.

Now, some opportunities with having this difference will strengthen marriage and the love between the two individuals. Such as there being more intimacy--spending time together; they can do so by working together to make it more pleasant, they both become aware of the other and their needs and worry about them and not themselves, therefore creating a sense of selflessness. It can also provide the opportunity to work at or become patient, as well as develop communication skills.

We must be aware of these sexual differences and see it in a way to grow, not inhibit.

As a side note, I believe that sexual relations should remain within the bonds of marriage and that it should only be discussed with your spouse and in private. If in counseling it is good to discuss it, but with a good purpose. Sex is sacred.

Effort Is Required

I must say that in my own observations, a lot (not all) of young, and possibly some older, couples tend to have an expectation for marriage that seems unrealistic. They seem to think that once you are married you are done. This may be true in the sense of dating and finding someone to tie the knot with, but not with putting forth effort.

It seems that right as they marry and have the "honeymoon glow" for a couple months they are doing just great and are romantic and very involved, then life hits, and then they stop "trying" they don't always look their best, they rarely show enthusiasm toward you or what you have to say. When an argument comes they "blow up" and they bicker and continue that contention instead of discussing and working it out.

By this point couples tend to think, "Did I marry the wrong person?" "Is marriage this hard?" or "I don't want to do this anymore." This then leads to more doubts and eventually separation or possibly divorce.

Now, the thing is, is that effort is needed in marriage. You both are responsible for each other, you look after one another and protect and care about one another. You WILL have arguments, but it is how you resolve them that really matters, learning how to resolve issues between one another is key and will not only settle the dispute, but will strengthen the marriage and bring you closer together.

Expectations

So, the subject for this week's lesson has been preparing for marriage. Now, this is mostly about dating. However, I am going to be focusing on the beginning of dating: the first date.

In the past Jillian has been going on several dates with different guys. She rarely would get past the first date, and she now knows why: EXPECTATIONS. Jillian has gone into dates thinking of all the possibilities of what could happen and possibly starting a relationship; she was jumping the gun. However, these expectations usually would skew her view of the person she was with. Instead of looking at them as a friend or trying to get to know them better, Jillian was thinking of them as a potential relationship. This view then would make her analyze them unfairly and lead her to "end" what wasn't even a relationship in the first place--and lose a possibly great friend. Now, if Jillian would have gone into the dates thinking, "Okay, I want to get to know him better, because he seems like a nice guy to know." She would have saved herself a lot of hurt. With this outlook she is able to begin setting a foundation for a friendship, not a serious relationship. Then if things progress and they like each other on the "friend" basis they can progress to think about starting a relationship after a few dates, or activities.

The other plus side to having "friendship" expectations is the pressure on yourself. If Jillian is going on a date with a guy and having the expectations of a possible relationship she then would feel the need to really impress the guy. Whereas if she goes in with "friendship" expectations, Jillian can be herself and her date can see her for who she really is and can personally feel comfortable, and her date can too. When one of you is comfortable and is being yourself and being "chill" the other will catch on and will do the same. When this happens you can actually see the real them and actually have that casual sense and create a friendship.

Teaching Kindness

This week in my Family Relations class we discussed Same-Sex Attraction. Now, I must preface with me stating that I am a firm believer in traditional marriage. I do not believe that those who are gay were born that way, but made the choice to follow misunderstood signals they may have experienced. I say this because many go through a time where they might have been sexually abused, rejected by same-sex peers, or misread a nonspecific arousal in pre-adolescence. There have been studies about people that face same-sex attraction and several show that they were abused, bullied, or misinterpreted certain experiences. This is more common among males.

I am going to focus on the bullied by peers subject for this posting.

Now, I will explain why I say this is more common among males. When a girl dresses like a boy, what do we do? We think it's cute, and doesn't really seem out of the ordinary. When a boy does something like a girl, or wears something more feminine, what TYPICALLY do we do? We think, "What is wrong with him?" and typically try to change him. Now some parents would argue to say, "No, no, we accept them for who they want to be." Yes, very good, but what about their peers? They will think the same thing, "There is something wrong with this kid, and we shouldn't hang out with him because he is just like a girl." Even when they are five, they think something along these lines, and it continues to pre-adolescence. At that age the boy who seems more feminine might look at a guy and then think to themselves, "He is attractive...wait, what is wrong with me? Am I homosexual?" and they begin to doubt themselves. Now, it isn't a problem until they sexualize it and act on those thoughts or linger on them.

Now, think about in a logical sense, and some cases have shown this, when a male is rejected by other males, and sees himself then more as a female, he will become friends with more females, however, not knowing or understanding other males he gets curious and wants to know what is unknown to him, therefore leading him to have same-sex attraction, however, this is not sexualized, until the male might have an nonspecific arousal while going through puberty and mistaking it as being fully attracted to them. Therefore, they have misinterpreted this experience.

This is what a wise woman once said, "You can look at someone and think 'they are attractive' and it is okay, it is when you get 'heated' and I would say 'cool your jets.'" This quote means that you can say someone of the same or opposite sex is attractive and it is okay, but when you linger on it and have inappropriate thoughts that are sexual it is a problem.

Now, when it comes to being bullied, I feel that it needs to be stopped, how might we do this? BY TEACHING OUR CHILDREN. We tell our children to be kind to one another, but they will still have that tendency to be rude to the opposite sex and those who are different than them, even if they are the same sex. Therefore, I would try to explain to my child, and I advise you to do so as well, to be kind to those boys, or girls, who might be different than them, that you should still invite them to do things they like to do. Then the child who likes "girly" things doesn't feel rejected, and is given opportunities to learn things that are typical among boys, or visa versa.

I hope this makes sense, and I a know it is a touchy subject; I had a hard time writing this.