Expectations

So, the subject for this week's lesson has been preparing for marriage. Now, this is mostly about dating. However, I am going to be focusing on the beginning of dating: the first date.

In the past Jillian has been going on several dates with different guys. She rarely would get past the first date, and she now knows why: EXPECTATIONS. Jillian has gone into dates thinking of all the possibilities of what could happen and possibly starting a relationship; she was jumping the gun. However, these expectations usually would skew her view of the person she was with. Instead of looking at them as a friend or trying to get to know them better, Jillian was thinking of them as a potential relationship. This view then would make her analyze them unfairly and lead her to "end" what wasn't even a relationship in the first place--and lose a possibly great friend. Now, if Jillian would have gone into the dates thinking, "Okay, I want to get to know him better, because he seems like a nice guy to know." She would have saved herself a lot of hurt. With this outlook she is able to begin setting a foundation for a friendship, not a serious relationship. Then if things progress and they like each other on the "friend" basis they can progress to think about starting a relationship after a few dates, or activities.

The other plus side to having "friendship" expectations is the pressure on yourself. If Jillian is going on a date with a guy and having the expectations of a possible relationship she then would feel the need to really impress the guy. Whereas if she goes in with "friendship" expectations, Jillian can be herself and her date can see her for who she really is and can personally feel comfortable, and her date can too. When one of you is comfortable and is being yourself and being "chill" the other will catch on and will do the same. When this happens you can actually see the real them and actually have that casual sense and create a friendship.